My dog is licking her butt in time with the song I’m listening to
I’m not sure if I’m amused or really creeped out.
January 26th 2012
Brain: Okay, we fucked around on the internet long enough. It's time for bed.
Me: Great! I'll just get under the cov
Brain: WAIT WE HAVE TO POOP!
Here I sit, broken hearted.
Came to shit, but only farted.
January 20th 2012
Post has 3 notes.
Why are we surprised a black guy was singing an Al Green song?
Jesus my boobs hurt.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Que?
December 29th 2011
Post has 1 notes.
ask something
ask something
Anonymous asks: someone posted a picture of her kid snuggling with her in bed and the caption, "Someone charmed his way into my bed. Again." i wanted to reply, "i've had that happen, but not with a kid and with much worse results," but it just sounds too creepy. (certain people who read/run this tumblr know what post i'm talking about.)
Christmas decorations are like porn. The second the big event is over I don’t even want to look at it.
Judging by the smell of my farts the last thing I ate was an infected homeless man
Totally had sex yesterday.
Wait, why isn’t this anonymous?
November 30th 2011
Post has 2 notes.
Anonymous Ask is now turned on. You know, for the REALLY bad ones.
Friend just posted photos of her baby girl that was born 3 hours ago
Me- “Your baby’s vag is huge!”
Delete.
I erase a lot of tweets.
The main reason is this:
Some tweets cause 1000’s of people to @ me the exact same thing and it drives me nuts. In this case it has been 11 hours worth of “what are prayer hands”
So, fuck it. Namaste, bitches.
*prayer hands*
October 15th 2011
Post has 4 notes.
Blowjobs: the breakfast of champions.
Frasiering
I’m not one to share boring stories about my dreams, but I have to share this one. In my dream I walked into a room where I discovered some group sex happening. It was 3 older/distinguished dudes and one lady. I yelled out, “Oh my god, you guys are Frasiering!” The lady asked me what that meant and I told her, “When three older guys, possibly related or have a long-term connection to each other, get with an attractive lady. It’s based on the show Frasier. It’s on Urban Dictionary.”
This morning when I woke up I was sad to see that it wasn’t actually on Urban Dictionary. It’s confusing because I’ve never seen more than one or two episodes of Frasier and I’ve never walked in on copulating strangers in my dreams.
It really…hurt not…to press…enter
